CandyLand Tarot

Well first of all, welcome to my newly minted blog.

In the first sentence of my first blog post,   I have already used a word that could be driven back to a food item (minted) and now I want a mint ice cream shake. So far so good I’d say.


Due to some quarter-life-crisis issues that I am currently dealing with- or, really, not dealing with. I have decided to get my tarot read tomorrow by somebody well-rated on yelp.


Yes- I’m going out on a limb and seeking magic, and I’ve chosen my warlock by reading Yelp reviews in a library. As you can see- I’m shaking things up in ways many can only dream of.

School me wise witch

Obviously I take this very, very, seriously

For some reason, when thinking about the scenario of a gentle magician, telling me my fate by flipping over mystical cards- I imagined how awkward it would be if a Candyland card came out of the deck and just plopped right down next to some beautiful sorceress that means I’m in for some “life altering changes”.

What if, amid the wizards and angels or whatever is on tarot cards these days- a gloppy card just plopped right out. That’s right. Gloppy the molasses (or I guess Chocolate) monster who sits in a glob all day eating fudgsicles.

Globs of molasses can be professionals. Not really though.

Probably won't get the you're made of molasses.

In the middle of me hanging on every word of this mystic truth-teller- looking at my future, past, present by analyzing the mystical orbs of the sirens- and out plops a Gloppy card.

Keep pounding fudgsicles though- you don't look heavy at all.

Keep pounding fudgsicles though- you don't look heavy at all.

That’s right! It’s your future, and lets not lie, its probably your present.


If you’re anything like me…you’re sitting right now, in your own glop on the floor-scrolling with one hand and pounding fudgsicle-after-fudgsicle in the other.

This is me. Right now.

Guess what? You just lost a turn because just like every other time you’ve tried to get ahead-you are now stuck in molasses.

So in this scenario- I see the Gloppy hit the table, and I sort of chuckle,

because-how cute- my magical warlock medium must have been playing CandyLand earlier- and I say:

“Is that a CandyLand card for Gloppy?”

and he looks down- and with all his wisdom- he says

“Yeah, I don’t know where it came from-but it sort of does make sense…doesn’t it?”

I just nod and take another hit off my fudgsicle.